How are you holding up?

Originally published on The Shabbat Drop by Miranda Lapides on October 7, 2024.

🕯 This Drop is dedicated to the following: Hersh Goldberg-Polin Z”L, Eden Yerushalmi Z”L, Carmel Gat Z”L, Almog Sarusi Z”L, Alex Lubnov Z”L, Ori Danino Z”L, Eden Alon Levy Z”L, every single Jew or friend of the Jews who has lost their life on or since Oct 7, all of our holy neshamot that we lost, reservists and families of fallen, all the antisemitic friends dropped like hot potatoes this year (bye bye), David Meir Z”L, Deborah and Shlomo Mathias Z”L, and all innocent lives lost in this war.

Thank you to those who submitted names to keep them in our hearts. Except for the antisemitic friends. Bye, bye. 👋

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Shanah tovah, although the past year has been more bitter than sweet. I can’t believe it’s been a year since the most devastating day in Jewish history during my lifetime. I remember waking up to a text from a non-Jewish friend that morning, which read, “I’m thinking of you with what’s going on in Israel” and I immediately thought, “Oh no. What happened?”

I was at home with my parents glued to the TV and internet. I remember naïvely thinking, “Now the world will see why Israel needs to defend herself. The world will finally wake up.” How wrong I was.

A year later I wonder, “How are we still here? How are our loved ones still in Gaza? How is it getting worse? When will it get better?”

In times like this, I return to this comforting poem:

I asked you about what the past year has been like. Thanks to everyone who submitted - your voice is so important. This post I wrote right after October 7th said you are not alone. Your answers still prove that. Here they are.

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10/7 made into the Hebrew word “yizkor,” meaning “remember.” Artist unknown.

It’s been a year since October 7th, 2023. How are you holding up? What has your year been like? How has your Judaism changed or stayed the same in the past year?

“It’s been a wild year with a lot of change. I’ve left several Jewish communities that didn’t have the backbone to assert that Israel is a key factor for our Jewish identity, I joined a Modern Orthodox synagogue and rebooted a monthly minyan. My politics and entire worldview has changed. I’m no longer Left or Liberal, more of a Moderate Centrist still dedicated to tikkun olam, but in a less dogmatic way and with new allies — and foes.”

“Went through anger, deep sorrow, lack of hope, pride in my Judaism, ashamed and bitterly disappointed in so many young people, escalated danger of social media. Profound sense of Zionism, anger that expresses destructive thoughts toward evil doers that would astound. Feel like I live in a bubble where people didn’t talk about it and now it’s as of it didn’t happen? Yet to me it is so central. Not afraid for myself but saw fear in Jewish college students and trauma resurface for someone who lived through the holocaust. Saw fear and caution in my daughters eyes once when walking down the city street singing Shabbat shalom - that really cut me to the core.”

“Ever more aware of my jewishness… more proud of it.”

“I did not think that a year later there would still be hostages held. That may be naive, but I don’t understand why there is not more urgency or more attention from the international community about the hostages. Then again, I have spent this year learning (reading books, not watching tiktoks) about Israel’s history (and about Jewish history - shoutout to Dara Horn, Noa Tishby and Dan Senor to name a few) and I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise that there is more outrage directed at Israel than at the terrorist organizations attacking Israel. This year has been (to name a few) devastating, frustrating, revealing, and hopeful. Hopeful because I have also gotten closer to my Judaism (it was the first year I attended Tisha B’Av services and fasted, which I was inspired to do so by the Shabbat Drop post!) and closer to the Jewish community (in person and online). That, the Jewish community and the resilience and faith demonstrated by the Jewish people from the beginning, is what makes me hopeful. Every day I think about the hostages and every day I think about the strength that their families have to keep on fighting to bring them home. I am told that showing up to the weekly marches with the Hostages and Missing Families Forum gives the families strength, but the families give ME strength.”

“I never really had a connection to Israel like you’re SUPPOSED TO have as a Jew, like how you’re taught in Hebrew school about all the reasons why Israel is amazing and all the reasons to love it. I felt it was important and valuable but never had that close of a tie to it. We returned home from Israel the Tuesday before the attacks happened and it was then that I fully understood personally how valuable it is.”

“Our family is doing well. We have always joked about being Jew-ish (i.e. pretty light on our observations) but after Oct. 7th we decided to take weekly shabbat seriously as a family event. We used to all observe separately but now we get together each week, rotating who hosts, to enjoy a big dinner, conversation, and screen free decompression time together. It has been the most wonderful action we have ever taken and we feel closer and more vibrant!”

“I retired to Mexico and stopped wearing any jewelry at all, except for my nose ring. On October 7th, I fastened my Star of David around my neck permanently, but then I realized that I would be safer visiting France and Spain in July without it. 😔”

“My Israeli ex-fiance developed anger issues as a result of the stress from 10/7 and impulsively dumped me, so 10/7 has indirectly resulted in me losing the love of my life and my housing, since we were living together. I have also distanced myself from a now-former close friend who decided that pro-Palestinian activism is the cause du jour, shifting all their attention first from BLM to LGBTQ rights, then to reproductive justice, and now to what’s going on in Gaza. I spend more time with Jewish friends these days and fully observe Shabbat a lot more frequently than I used to, and I’ve gotten into hosting Shabbat myself.”

“Not well… I feel a combination of immense anxiety, loneliness, PTSD and depression. I’m agnostic so my relationship with Judaism hasn’t changed, but I’ve gotten much more involved in the Jewish community.”

“This past year in particularly with the leadup to Eurovision felt like being punched in the stomach, but having the pain constantly stay rather than go away.

A year ago I was someone who spent a lot of time in many hobby spheres, but sadly a lot of that changed due the normalization of anti-Semitism. I stopped going to events near NYU because someone on the street was shouting Jew hatred filled rants at me. I wouldn’t dare go near Columbia U, NYU or the New School until the summer, and when I went to Blue Stripes (an Israeli-owned coffee shop across from the New School), I was even afraid of a provocation. There was also someone who tried to provoke me into a fight at the Greek Jewish Festival this year who got rushed away by the (increased) security.

Lists of artists piled up across the world who held Israel to a double standard and who trafficked in the same lies peddled by the Soviet Union in the 1960s in the aftermath of the six-day war. Too many of them thought about the Shoah as if it were a Marvel movie, seeing the Nazis and their collaborators as “aliens from outer space” (as the author Uwe von Seltmann, a Austrian gentile Yiddishist whose journey was spurred by the fact that his grandfather helped liquidate the Warsaw Ghetto, put it so eloquently as a problem).

When I was in Krakow (2011-2012) for my first job out of college, I read a whole lot of memoirs from Holocaust survivors, not also to mention those who were forced out of Poland after the anti-Semitic campaigns of 1968 after the six-day war (the Communist Party threw Jews out of their ranks and raged a full-scale campaign against them, using the exact same rhetoric that is all too familiar to many of us, the rest of the countries within the Soviet sphere of influence used very similar tactic). I constantly was thinking back to a lot of what I had read, especially SS officers telling Jews that they “deserved it” because they brought calamity on “German children” as a result of the Treaty of Versailles.

I stopped going to dance events altogether and I dropped a good deal of hobbies, some companies failed to denounce prominent anti-Semites within their ranks well enough, not also to mention I felt that I would avoid watching certain TV shows entirely because of a singular actor who held anti-Semitic beliefs.

To make up for the new holes in my social life I attended Jewish music festivals (Sababafest and the Gathering), got more involved with Manhattan Jewish Experience and my own Crown Heights neighborhood.

As a polyglot I decided to practice my languages using almost exclusively content from Jewish creators or those whom they associated with positively (in the Nordic countries in particular this turned out to be a godsend), one such Jewish creator who I won’t name seemed to have been very “redpilled” as a result of similar experiences to mine and now voices support for the most far-right wing viable country in his country and even hosted its party leader on his program. Even though I have disagreements with that movement I’d prefer that to the auspices of ‘watermelon club.’”

“I’m like the latkes I made last Hanukkah - falling apart but proud of who I am. I’ve gotten more Jewish so to speak.”

“Stressed. All the time. I have always been affiliated but I feel a stronger bond to my fellow Jews because we are all facing the scourge of antisemitism and we are stronger fighting it together. I’ve also become more tolerant of Jewish Trump supporters 😁”

“My connection to Judaism has deepened. As the world outside grows more hostile, I’ve come to realize how vital it is to seek strength and solidarity within our community. When I moved to New York last September, I wasn’t prepared for the shock of October 7th—it was a harsh awakening. Fortunately, the Jewish community at Columbia, especially the Chabad, became a refuge from the rising wave of antisemitism, offering a space to strengthen my religious ties and engage in more mitzvot. Though I’ve always been proud of my Zionism and Jewish identity, this year, that pride has become even more central to who I am.”

“Everything sucks! I’ve done more, like lighting shabbat candles (which I’ve never really done). I’ve studied more, but also there are just more avenues and classes to do so. I’ve also become an accidental activist - never thought I’d do the things I’m doing. (I hear from other people I’m brave… I’m just doing what I feel I need to, to get through the days).”

“I continue to believe that peace is impossible between Palestine and Israel. It gets harder to defend Israel every time they commit another atrocity. I personally have little connection to Judaism apart from my family so that has remained unchanged.”

“Barely. Worst year in my life so far. Same.”

“It’s been traumatic and eye opening and I have a magnetic pull to my Judaism as never before.”

“So much changed…complete connection to strangers - war moms/widows/displaced etc. which was a spiritual experience. And through so much change, Shabbat came every week to heal our broken hearts and give us strength for the next week.”

“As a proud zionist who made Aliyah about 3 years ago and serving as an officer the last year has made me million times more proud to be a Jew.”

“It’s been very up and down. Emotional, as expected. It’s brought me so much closer to my Judaism and wanting to feel connected. I live somewhere with a small Jewish community so we’ve felt even more alone. That connection has been much more important, vital to my wellbeing I’d say.”

“Very hard, but remembering why I came to live in Israel.”

“At first, like everyone else, I was disturbed, sad, scared, and stressed, and was especially sensitive and reactive to the anti-Israel protests that started on October 8th. It felt like the whole world was against Israel. Some days, it still feels like that. It took many months of digging myself out that mental hole (getting off social media helped!) to realize those radical ‘pro-Palestinians’ (in quotes because they’re not really for Palestinians; if they were, they would actually focus on what Palestinians need to thrive and live in peace, like a functioning government that doesn’t martyr its civilians, a better economy, to give up the right of return dream and accept peace deals with Israel after saying no so many times) are fringe and a majority of people support Israel in its just war against an evil regime and its proxies. October 7th has affirmed for me that anti-Zionism is antisemitism… that, or people just don’t know what they’re talking about. I hope its the latter.

Now that I’ve seen the light and am able to look at these antisemitic jerks with pity or at least ignore them (I’ve stopped taking anyone who decries ‘genocide’ seriously because I realize they lack nuance and shut down any any real conversation), I put my focus elsewhere: on continuing to educate myself, having conversations with people, maintaining my Jewishness, being with community, and praying for peace. But I can’t believe we’re still here. It’s been a year and almost 100 hostages are still in Gaza.”

“Been volunteering a few times every week. Have built a much deeper connection with prayer.”

“Every day feels different. Some days I’m feeling really strong while others, I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I feel more connected to Judaism and realized my true love for Israel and the Jewish people. I am now more aware of antisemitic tropes, microaggressions or examples in my day to day life.”

“It’s been a rough year to be an Israeli American—a lot of people have let me down. That being said, I also found that when I was vocal about the difficulties of being Jewish/Israeli during this time, many people surprised me with their care and consideration, even strangers. I’ve started to wear a Magen David everywhere I’ve gone, and I’ve been encouraged by all of the people, Jewish or not, who have commented on it.”

“I’m empowered by the support of my fellow Jews yet have felt isolated by the world at large. It feels like the year has been a bad dream we are all waiting to wake up from.”

“This year has been rough. Full of fear, disappointment, sadness and community. While my Judaism hasn’t changed, my reality of anti-semitism has. I was hopefully naive before, and now I feel hopeless in ever eradicating it for good (sure it may get better, but not gone and not soon).”

“If there is one good thing for myself that has come out of the nightmare of this year, it’s that rather than wallowing in feelings of isolation, sadness, and anger, I’ve worked hard to find a community of wonderful Jewish friends. I’m not sure that had 10/7 never happened and I wasn’t witnessing such horrible antisemitism online, at work, and around my neighborhood, if I would have had the same motivation to build these friendships. Making friends as an adult is hard!”

“I am not practicing, by orthodox halacha I’m not a Jew/ would need to convert (dad side). Feeling fully accepted by community has always been a challenge but I’m on the journey. The way I reacted upon hearing the news of the massacre was… an actual rip through the chest, deep, bight, I saw it and then I held them, shema came out. I didn’t grow up with any religious instruction and it wasn’t a conscious prayer, just came out of the intense pain. I am still not practicing, I write about what it means to be Jewish in my journal almost every day and I want to be more outward with my identity. It takes times and rebuilding, but it’s always here.”

“It’s been tough but I am good. I have grown a lot. My Judaism has evolved a lot. I have grown stronger in spirituality and faith, while becoming less Orthodox. As I grew spiritually, I became more sensitive and aware of how parts of the Orthodox community were not serving my spiritual path and I became more flexible in aspects of halakhic adherence. For example some days I would wake up too tired and emotionally heavy to pray with Tefillin and rather than force myself, I instead would listen to music with spiritual and emotional content. I feel like this year we are living through a chapter of Jewish history and liturgy and don’t need as much of the ritual adherence that is meant to bind and remind us of our place in the Jewish story. I have also started writing poetry based on my feelings and insights, weaving the stories of this year, my personal story, and Jewish history and memory.”

“I find myself thinking about the hostages often. I was already quite involved Jewishly and have continued to be. I have been both inspired and disturbed by the reactions within the Jewish community and out in that I think that our shared humanity has been threatened by both Oct. 7 and the consequent war. I think that moments like these are tests for both our particularist and universalist commitments, our values of peoplehood and liberalism, and I hope I’m doing it right.”

Any encouraging words of wisdom/advice/hope for the Jewish people? What has gotten you through this year?

“Finding and building a Jewish community that has the courage to stand for our beliefs has been very inspiring. Make new friends, build community. We’re out there.”

“Be proud of who you are and your heritage. Don’t hide it. Find security hope and love in a community.”

“Keep close to friends for mutual support and general wellness.”

“What you can do living in NYC is being a loud and proud wear your stars of David etc. and show your Jewish principles by being a good person.”

“‘Their [the Jewish people] persistence, not to mention their achievements, in the thick of turbulence and trauma is nothing short of miraculous. Every single Jew you meet is a survivor.’ (Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew, p. 229). Friends, family, community, art, and books have gotten me through.”

“They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s celebrate.”

“Family!”

“Reading Shabbat Drop!”

“Zionism should not be seen as a dirty word. It is a liberation movement. We deserve the human right to self-determination just like all other peoples on the planet.”

“I am still struggling to figure this one out! I guess it helps to disconnect once in a while, for your own sanity.”

“Anti-semites throughout history have always found righteous justifications for themselves and they always turn out to be on the wrong side of history no matter what. See: blood libels, racial science, rootless cosmopolitan, and literally the whole of human history.”

“We are an amazing tribe of different backgrounds and lives, yet we all have one connection- being Jewish. Music. And Zionist Discord groups.”

“Every single person needs to do their share to advocate for Israel and the Jewish people. No act is small enough. Sign letters. Like pro-Israel posts. Write your politicians. What helps - attending rallies, spending time with friends, limiting news consumption and setting aside time for activities I enjoy.”

“Community, books (education is key!), and my few non-Jewish friends who have checked in on me who have given me a little bit of hope.”

“We have stood for 2,000 years and we are still here—we are not going anywhere. We have endured far worse, and each time, we have emerged stronger. This too will pass, and when it does, we will rise again, more resilient than ever before.”

“Be true to yourself and your Judaism. I also find that the Torah, ancient stories, traditions, and words of wisdom from our rabbis are so helpful and couldn’t be more true. (NEVER thought I’d say this!!!) looking back at ancient stories are helpful to me. Rely on our Jewish friends - old and new. Lean on each other. Open up.”

“I encourage Jews to separate themselves from the violence committed against Palestinians. I personally do not support either side, but there is no doubt of the higher casualties of the Palestinians.”

“We will win. I’m a parent of IDF soldier.”

“A visit to Israel and joining as many awareness events as I can in my home city.”

“Find a mitzva. So many to choose from. Whether you say a sentence of tehillim, bake a challa or whatever it is…our people need us more than ever…and we need them…”

“This year made us realize how many people who pretended to support us turn their back on us however as a nation we united even stronger than before. From every aspect of life people were providing support and to me that speaks volumes.”

“Just know that you aren’t alone. I know some of us have felt really isolated and alone, with the world feeling against us. I’m with you.”

“Volunteering.”

“The more you do, the more connected you will feel.”

“Friends and great follows on instagram. It can be very isolating, feeling gaslit by the world around you, not understanding how people who you thought were your ally, doesn’t actually stand with you.”

“Seeking community! It is there for us if we look for it, and well worth the effort.”

“Am yisroel chai. We are a nation and we live, it isn’t gd bless the USA or some other national slogan it is a declaration of life for all Jews no matter where you live or how you practice.”

“I hope that we can all find community together rather than divisions. Honestly the biggest hope I found was in Israel, where the people are living their lives as the biggest form of resistance. It is not without hardship and concern for constant rockets, but I find that they are making the most of it and not giving a sh*t what other people think. The brief break from antisemitism and feeling unsafe was incredible. It makes me hopeful that we can feel that way as a community again. Either in Israel or outside of it.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time in the past year thinking of my ancestors. I asked my aunt if she thought this was what our ancestors felt during the rise of the Nazis, or right before pogroms, and she said she didn’t think so. That today, with the internet and social media, we are able to see these things coming, and we can fight back. We’re a small but mighty people. We’ve faced scary times before and we will make it through this.”

“Me give advice or hope, wisdom? No. You are the strongest, most true to yourself people I know. I admire you and draw inspiration from you everyday. Thank you for getting me through this year.”

“I was already deep in a journey of personal and spiritual growth when Oct. 7 hit, and thus I was able to face the challenges, do my part in taking responsibility for the defense of the country, and continue growing. My advice is to focus on personal growth and your own spiritual path in Judaism, and to connect to individual people’s stories with sensitivity. Seek out sad stories to connect with empathy, and seek out hopeful and miraculous stories for inspiration. Seek out teachers and community that are right for you.”

“I think this is the return to Jewish history, a history that is long, rich, and enduring.”

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Again, thank you so much to everyone who contributed.

Tragedy has a way of waking us up from complacency, forcing us to confront hard truths, and ask ourselves deep questions.

October 7th wasn’t just a tragedy but a moment of Jewish peoplehood. One day, whether it’s our future selves or our grandkids, we will be asked: What did you do in the days/weeks/months after? I hope when you look back, you can say you chose courage, solidarity, Judaism, humanity, and love.

Have a meaningful week,